Engelsk, rettelse af en kort tekst.

Hej 🙂
Jeg har skrevet en kort "tale", som jeg meget gerne ville have rettet. 🙂
Håber I kan forstå det..
Thank you everybody for your listening and thanks to my new English teacher, Hanne who has given me the permission to speak directly for you today for those poor people whom dying everyday in Vietnam.
I know, that I do not looks likes an ordinary Danish from the West, as the most of you here. The trip that has led me here from when I was born, have been unthinkable. My parents were born in the heart of Morocco and came to Denmark, the freedom bubble and they married for birth me and my four other siblings. My mother made/took a decision to move to the West, when her yearning and her dream could only be achieved through the freedom and the opportunities the West promised. And therefore I am here.
I am here for fighting for your country, I am here to take care of women and children, who dying every day and I am here for bring peace between us, so we can live in a peaceful and humane world, as we propebly all want.
Classmates, people in Denmark, and a people of the world, our challenge is great. The way to us will be long if we do not fight and engage in the natural struggle to drive justice and peace between us.

Alt er relativt.
Umiddelbart vil jeg synes, at der mangler en del kommaer. Eksempelvis foran ordet 'whom'.

Thank you everybody for your listening and thanks to my new English teacher, Hanne who has given me the permission to speak directly for you today for those poor people whom dying everyday in Vietnam.
I know, that I do not looks likes an ordinary American from the West, as the most of you here. The trip that has led me here from when I was born, have been unthinkable. My parents were born in the heart of Morocco and came to America, the freedom bubble and they married for birth me and my four other siblings. My mother made/took a decision to move to the West, when her yearning and her dream could only be achieved through the freedom and the opportunities the West promised. And therefore I am here.
I am here for fighting for your country, I am here to take care of women and children, who dying every day in Vietnam and I am here for bring peace between us, so we can live in a peaceful and humane world, as we propebly all want.
Classmates, people in America, and people of the world, our challenge is great. The way to us will be long if we do not fight and engage in the natural struggle to drive justice and peace between us.

Mine rettelser er i ()

Thank you everybody for your listening and thanks to my new English teacher, Hanne who has given me the permission to speak directly for (to) you today for ( hvad menes der her? på vegne af? Bedre glose bør vælges, fx on the behaf of) those poor people whom (who) dying everyday in Vietnam.
I know, that I do not looks ( ikke "s") likes (ikke "s"$) an ordinary American from the West, as the most of you here. The trip that has led me here from when I was born, have been unthinkable ( sikker på du vil bruge det ord og ikke unbeliveable? amazing?). My parents were born in the heart of Morocco and came to America, the freedom bubble and they married for birth me and my four other siblings.( må gerne omskrives lyder ikke helt god) My mother made/took (made )a (the, da det er en bestemt) decision to move to the West, when her yearning and her dream could only be achieved through the freedom and the opportunities the West promised. And therefore I am here.
I am here for fighting for your country, I am here to take care of women and children, who dying every day in Vietnam and I am here for bring peace between us, so we can live in a peaceful and humane world, as we propebly all want.
Classmates, people in America, and people of the world, our challenge is great. The way to us will be long if we do not fight and engage in the natural struggle to drive justice and peace between us.
Pas på med komma. På engelsk har man meget få kommaer i forhold til dansk :0)

like a lot of nonsense. I think you need to learn a little more about the English language before you venture into a speech of this kind. Your choice of words are to say the least, very poor, and does not indicate that you have had a good teacher.
And last but not least, one learns from ones mistakes, not by copying other peoples work. Not to belittle the other respondents here, but they do also not appear to have a good knowledge of the English language. So I would not copy their answers. Speak freely and LEARN from it.